Snow in May…
I got a new job and relocated to a different state. If that was not enough, I am single. Not dating, not entangled, not “it’s complicated,” super-single like a number 1 at Wendy’s. I do not know how many times I looked up to the sky and said, “God if you are coming back, just come on then!”
There are many things I have been able to do alone, but I would have never imagined at 36 years old, I would be still doing life alone. Not literally alone- I mean I have friends and family -but romantically alone. No one to carry the heavy stuff, hug me close when the world is extra ugly, or just smack me on the butt when I walk pass. Life is hard, anyway you slice it! There are moments when it is hard to consume. Having to digest the pain, the loneliness, the hurt and the hard stuff, when all you want to do is look around and ask…. where is an adult when you need one?
Timelines…we all have timelines, right? When we want and thought we’d achieve various milestones in our life. For me, I knew I would be married with 2 kids, pets, and a house with a white picket fence (literally) well before 30.
Fact Check: We are 6 years behind schedule!!
Talk about a delay…laughing out loud to keep from crying. Despite where I thought I would be, if I am honest with myself, I was nowhere near ready for all of that at the tender, inexperienced, childish age of under 30. Now let me be clear, I was not running around wild like a chicken with my head cut off. I was pretty established in my career, had already achieved my masters and for a little extra spice, had been diagnosed with a chronic illness that set boundaries and restrictions on how I approached and navigated the world. According to society’s standard, I was more than equipped to walk into my dream family life.
Now if you have lived more than a few years in this life, you know society’s standards change faster than the 45th changes his story from behind the podium at the white house. So, it’s clear we can’t rely on society to provide stability or consistency of any kind.
I asked all the questions every single person longing to be in a committed, loving romantic comedy-type of love. What is wrong with me? What don’t I have? Am I meant to be single forever? How is she in another relationship, when I can’t even get a text back? I learned when the face in the mirror doesn’t have the answer you have to turn to your tribe (family & friends) to show you….YOU! Until next time….
Self-awareness is a form of stepping back and observing your thoughts and feelings as they unfold. It can be as simple as noticing the emotions that you feel when you spend time with certain people or the thoughts that run through your head when you feel scared about trying something new. Put simply, self-awareness is shining a light on the parts of your internal world that might otherwise get buried down, pushed aside or go unnoticed. - https://www.innermelbpsychology.com.au/self-awareness-mental-health/
Did you know that self reflection helps to build emotional self-awareness? Are you willing to ask yourself the important questions to gain better understanding of your emotions, strengths, weaknesses and driving factors?
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Written by: Erica